A while ago I posted what I consider to be standards for my potential mate. I was met with mixed responses. I want to clarify something by posting four standards that I heard in church that I hold myself to.
1. Priest
2. Prophet
3. Protector
4. Provider
As I understand it, to be a Priest I must intercede on behalf of my family. I must honor my wife, and present her as a pure queen to God at the end of our life. I will exist to make her better. All selfish desires should be executed. As if that were not enough, when I have children I must present them as holy princes and princesses at the end as well. So whatever free time I had from serving my wife is now given to my children. Now, like any 26-yr old male, I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy being able to have my own place, and do with it what I will. However, also as a 26-yr old male, I am completely over it. I hate being alone. I'm ready for companionship. I feel that I am ready to undertake this responsibility knowing full well that I have no idea what I am getting into! I listen to the advice given by my male mentors, and I take notes. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
To be a Prophet, I must also act as God's mouthpiece to my family. I should set the example for them to follow. I should discipline, chastise, etc. in a graceful fashion. I should not exasperate my children. I must listen to God's Law, and enforce it in my house. I will train my children in the way they should go so that when they are older they will not stray from it. Again, I am flawed, so I foresee that I will have to do a lot of repenting and apologizing. Fortunately, blessedly, I have had my pride systematically beaten out of me for a while now. I have gone from humility to humiliation. My family will have to have a lot of grace for me, but they can know that I will give them everything I have. I feel that I am also ready to pursue this course of action. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
At first glance, Protector is pretty simple. I have a gun, I have several sticks, I have fists, etc. Trust me, I'm ready to destroy any boy who looks at my daughter. However, over the course of the past year or so I have learned that protection goes beyond the physical. At our College retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN, last year I saw a friend of mine protect his girlfriend from an offensive stage performance by leading her out in the middle of it. At the same retreat, I saw my friend clear a table and place it under his pregnant wife's feet so she could be comfortable. These are just a few of the examples that show me that protection goes into the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms as well. I know full well where certain sins entered my life, and how my parents failed to protect me from them. Even though they could not protect me forever, there were still clear moments where the shield was gone. Since it's my job to present my family members as holy royalty at the end, that begins with the day to day. I can see where I fail to guard my mind in certain areas, and I have no clue how to start in their lives. Still, as situations become apparent, and the Spirit reveals, I feel that I will be able to adapt. I know full well that measures need to be taken now, and so I am. Again, I will not be prepared for everything, but my own mistakes will act as a guidebook for the protection of my family. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
Now we come to the swift, strong kick in the balls. I am unable to be a Provider right now. For years I have sat in Fight Club, and heard about the dangerous 30-yr old who sits in his parents' basement and plays World of Warcraft. I have heard open disdain for such a person. A man must have a job, a man must have his own place, etc. For the past few years, I have had that. "I have a Bible, I have a job, and I don't live with my parents." was a classic pick-up line from Pastor Mark Driscoll, that I jokingly could use. Now, however, I cannot. After 8 years of education, I have a Master's Degree. Hooray! I have achieved what many people have not. However, my industry is very selective and I have no job. I am seeking other employment opportunities currently, but nothing has broken yet. I have moved back home for the time being which kills my eligibility, thereby negating my need for marital standards in the first place. Every part of my pride is gone. Just, gone. It's not for lack of trying. I moved to Arkansas, made connections, people like me, etc. but there are no jobs that want me. I have joined a vast percentage of Americans my age. There can be some solace in communal hardship, but that is where my pride comes in. This should not happen to me. Maybe others, but not me! Still, God says "Hah, it happened to you!" Now what? How many verses must I memorize, or books must I read, or pounds must I lose, etc. before things can finally take a turn for the better. I cannot be a Provider regardless of how much I want to be. That is gone from me. That I cannot control. This is a standard I hold myself to, which I cannot meet regardless of how willing I am. So, now I can be the subject of pity, prayers, and sometimes open disdain. I am in the basement, and therefore not worthy of anyone's time, apparently. It can be seen as a gross failure. Somewhere along the line, I did not do something right apparently, as Job's friends would have had him believe. To be completely honest, there comes a time when "I'm praying for you" sounds like an insult. How much prayer is needed? I am in danger of being trapped by my own sense of legalism. I see no way out. This road is closed to me despite how ready I feel that I am.
However, all is not lost. This is only for a season. If I'm home, I don't really have to worry about having my own place for the time being. I can focus on spiritual disciplines -- I'm even reading "Disciplines for a Godly Man" currently -- and I can focus on my health -- I have an older mentor that I can look up to for exercise accountability, and I have my stud brother to encourage me. My sister hooked me up with a fitness app on my iPhone that has already helped me today. I just have to take it one day at a time. I know that if I am faithful today then tomorrow can take care of itself. If I'm out of the game for 3 months, that's okay so long as I improve in those 3 months. In a way, God answered some of my prayers in this. I just have to kill my own perceptions of self worth, and focus on how He values me. I'm only 26, and hopefully by the time I am 27 I will be in better health, spiritually stronger, and out of the house. Once I fill my fourth standard, and strengthen the other three, then will I be ready for a 5-point woman. Yes, I can get depressed and bitter, and I have. Still, I know I need to focus on disciplining myself right now. I just hope that a) my friends don't abandon me, and b) I don't have to go through it alone. I have faith that God knows what He is doing. So, there it is, and here I am. Love me or leave me. I am excited to see who I am on the other side of the season. Dead or alive, Soli Deo Gloria.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Parting Thoughts
My time here in Russellville, Arkansas, is nearing an end. I spent today packing, and will spend tomorrow running an errand to Little Rock, packing, and having a goodbye dinner with my GAC friends. After 4 months in Arkansas, I will miss the state. It truly is a beautiful state.
Looking back, I honestly have no idea why God brought me out here. I mean, I needed an internship to graduate with my Master's Degree, and He provided that. I worked with great people, met some other great people, and got a lot of championship operations experience. It was definitely outside of my norm, but I appreciate the experience. I had other offers closer to home, but I really felt God leading me out to Arkansas, so I faithfully went.
Spiritually, I feel that I regressed, as is evident by my lack of blog updates :( It has been rough out here on my own spiritually. Before WFBC, I was content being a spiritual loner because it was all I knew. After the fellowship of WFBC and Fight Club, moving out here nearly killed me. I tried my hand at a local church, but that didn't work out. I'd like to believe I helped those 6th and 8th grade boys out a bit, but I was only there for a few weeks. I had little to no interaction with anyone else. I only attended that church one Sunday. Spiritually, I have nothing to show for my time here, and that hurts :( However, I did get to spend 2 weekends with my uncle in Harrison, and I really like his church. If it hadn't been 2.5 hrs away through the mountains, I would have gone more often.
I am sad to say that my physical health suffered as well. I am normally sedentary, but aside from my co-workers I didn't meet anyone in Russellville that I spent time with. I was either in the office, or in my apartment. There are a lot of food options in Russellville, and though I tried cooking for myself I found it easier to just drive through somewhere. I have gained like 30 lbs in 4 months :( Last week, I began to act on my convictions, and I am trying to at least cut out soft drinks for the time being. There are a lot of hiking trails nearby. They have scenic Mt. Nebo, and lovely Lake Dardanelle, not to mention the Arkansas River. However, while I was out there I hated being by myself. It was still beautiful though.
I feel that my whole Arkansas experience was hindered by the short amount of time I was out here, at least in my mind. Though, I am sorry to leave it. My mother is from Arkansas, so I consider myself half Arkansan. If I could sum up my time here in one word it would be some variation of "lonely".
But...I have my Master's Degree in Sport Management from the University of Georgia. Yay! Now what? I return to Georgia with no job offers despite many applications sent out. Again, I feel that I have nothing to show for my time out here. I return to Georgia feeling defeated.
*Let me be clear to point out that every person that I worked with either in the conference office or its member institutions was amazing. The people I met in the various tournament cities were amazing as well. I hope they remember me fondly as I will remember them. My own personal sad feelings are not because of them. They were the highlights of my time in Arkansas, and I will miss them greatly.*
Also, my faith has strengthened this past week, and I have always known that God's plan is the best plan for me. He has not let me down yet, and so I pack to go home optimistically seeking His will. If I do not end up with a job in sports, then that is fine as long as I am not stuck in my parents' basement for an extended period of time. That would kill me.
Through His Word, God reminds me that He has a plan and a purpose for me, and that still gets me excited. Habakkuk 1:5, Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, etc. This is just a valley, and God will reveal the purpose of my time in Arkansas to me when I am ready to learn it. I will miss Arkansas, and will return in June to officially move out of my apartment. I am looking forward to seeing my Athenian brethren soon :)
Thank you, Arkansas, for your beauty. Thank you, Spring Lake Apartments, for an apartment that leaves me completely spoiled! Thank you Great American Conference for this opportunity! I will be the first to admit that I have issues, and I will work on them, but thank you all for putting up with me. I hope our paths cross again.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley
Looking back, I honestly have no idea why God brought me out here. I mean, I needed an internship to graduate with my Master's Degree, and He provided that. I worked with great people, met some other great people, and got a lot of championship operations experience. It was definitely outside of my norm, but I appreciate the experience. I had other offers closer to home, but I really felt God leading me out to Arkansas, so I faithfully went.
Spiritually, I feel that I regressed, as is evident by my lack of blog updates :( It has been rough out here on my own spiritually. Before WFBC, I was content being a spiritual loner because it was all I knew. After the fellowship of WFBC and Fight Club, moving out here nearly killed me. I tried my hand at a local church, but that didn't work out. I'd like to believe I helped those 6th and 8th grade boys out a bit, but I was only there for a few weeks. I had little to no interaction with anyone else. I only attended that church one Sunday. Spiritually, I have nothing to show for my time here, and that hurts :( However, I did get to spend 2 weekends with my uncle in Harrison, and I really like his church. If it hadn't been 2.5 hrs away through the mountains, I would have gone more often.
I am sad to say that my physical health suffered as well. I am normally sedentary, but aside from my co-workers I didn't meet anyone in Russellville that I spent time with. I was either in the office, or in my apartment. There are a lot of food options in Russellville, and though I tried cooking for myself I found it easier to just drive through somewhere. I have gained like 30 lbs in 4 months :( Last week, I began to act on my convictions, and I am trying to at least cut out soft drinks for the time being. There are a lot of hiking trails nearby. They have scenic Mt. Nebo, and lovely Lake Dardanelle, not to mention the Arkansas River. However, while I was out there I hated being by myself. It was still beautiful though.
I feel that my whole Arkansas experience was hindered by the short amount of time I was out here, at least in my mind. Though, I am sorry to leave it. My mother is from Arkansas, so I consider myself half Arkansan. If I could sum up my time here in one word it would be some variation of "lonely".
But...I have my Master's Degree in Sport Management from the University of Georgia. Yay! Now what? I return to Georgia with no job offers despite many applications sent out. Again, I feel that I have nothing to show for my time out here. I return to Georgia feeling defeated.
*Let me be clear to point out that every person that I worked with either in the conference office or its member institutions was amazing. The people I met in the various tournament cities were amazing as well. I hope they remember me fondly as I will remember them. My own personal sad feelings are not because of them. They were the highlights of my time in Arkansas, and I will miss them greatly.*
Also, my faith has strengthened this past week, and I have always known that God's plan is the best plan for me. He has not let me down yet, and so I pack to go home optimistically seeking His will. If I do not end up with a job in sports, then that is fine as long as I am not stuck in my parents' basement for an extended period of time. That would kill me.
Through His Word, God reminds me that He has a plan and a purpose for me, and that still gets me excited. Habakkuk 1:5, Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, etc. This is just a valley, and God will reveal the purpose of my time in Arkansas to me when I am ready to learn it. I will miss Arkansas, and will return in June to officially move out of my apartment. I am looking forward to seeing my Athenian brethren soon :)
Thank you, Arkansas, for your beauty. Thank you, Spring Lake Apartments, for an apartment that leaves me completely spoiled! Thank you Great American Conference for this opportunity! I will be the first to admit that I have issues, and I will work on them, but thank you all for putting up with me. I hope our paths cross again.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)