When you are just meeting someone you would potentially like to date, you get a lot of the same questions. "What is your favorite color?", etc. One I've heard a lot is "What do you look for in a girl?". I think this is a trap question for guys. Every person knows what they are attracted to. I have heard preachers say "Adam didn't have a choice with Eve." but since Adam and Eve had babies, we have a wide assortment to choose from. I, too, have my list of what I am attracted to. So, I started thinking about standards, not physical attraction standards but rather hardline standards. I'm getting to that age where "beggars can't be choosers" starts applying, but I still hold my standards. I thought I would list my standards for you:
1. Christian
2. Single, and wants to date me.
3. Virgin
4. Non-divorced
5. Close proximity
If I were living hundreds of years ago, I would be limited to my village; however in today's society with online dating, Facebook, quick travel, etc. it is possible to meet almost anyone. I have yet to meet one girl that has met all 5 of my criteria. I had a discussion with my friend about it, and he said I might have to start making some exceptions. So let's look at them again:
1. I can't budge on her being a Christian. Jesus is my main relationship, and if she can't share in that then I don't want to spend the time explaining it.
2. It is rather necessary for her to be Single and interested if we are to enter a relationship.
3. In today's society it is very hard to know for sure if someone is a virgin. For most of my early 20's I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm completely jaded. I am a virgin, and I'm waiting for my wife, but I have no idea about anyone else. Given the circumstances surrounding the situation, I can make an exception here. It's a tough, sex-driven world and we all make mistakes. I cannot judge in this area.
4. I have been blown away by the number of girls I have met who are younger than me and divorced. Usually, they married someone in the military. I have to add something to this in that I count "We lived together then broke up" as a divorce too. Basically, if you lived together I assume you're not a virgin. Call me "old-fashioned", but I was raised to believe that marriage should never be entered lightly. It is a lifelong commitment. "Til Death Do Us Part" is not a suggestion. It's not "Until You Get Fat", or "Until You Cheat On Me". I am in no way condoning cheating on your spouse. "Do Not Commit Adultery" is pretty explicit. However, marriage is a covenant bond made in the sight of God. If you're upset that he/she cheated on you, read Hosea. I usually stop pursuing a girl if I find out she is divorced. I'm torn on the subject, especially if she was cheated on, but if the marriage can end so quickly it makes me doubt the security of our possible marriage. I know nobody plans to cheat on their spouse. Back to the military marriages, my sister is in one and I think they are doing quite well. I pray for them daily. However, I hear about her friends' divorces, and it kills me. I also have personal friends who are products of military divorce. Being apart from a spouse for extended periods of time hurts, I'm sure. And, I get it, you want to have sex before they leave. Who wouldn't? But wait, sex outside of marriage is wrong, so let's get married so we can have sex! Oh you're gone for a year, and my great guy friend comforted me; or I was deployed for a year, and there were these girls in the city...you know what I'm saying. I have really digressed...I could write a whole other post on divorce, but I won't. Let's just say I'm torn on the matter of whether or not it is a deal-breaker. It's just a lot of added baggage that I am not ready to deal with :/
5. This issue has arisen with online dating, etc. It's very hard if I cannot see you regularly. Words on a screen, or text messages, etc. only go so far to develop intimacy. I have to be able to stand being in the room with you, and vice versa. I want you to be comfortable with me. I added this standard because I know some girls who meet the hardline standards, yet are a thousand miles away. It's too emotionally taxing. Plus, there is a trap of getting too emotionally involved to where you get more content with the idea of the person than the person themselves. It's just a dangerous situation that I have introduced myself to, and got out of. I try not to knock it if I don't try it. It's just too emotionally taxing for me. I can't really make an exception here.
So, all of these standards point to faith. Do I have faith that God created a girl out there who meets all 5 of my standards? She could have red hair, black hair, no hair, etc. in 50 years we'll both look like crap. Will we both love and pursue Jesus? Will we be committed to each other? Will we have sexually known only each other? Will we be each others' only spouse? Will she be in my same zip code? That comes back to whether or not I meet my own #1. Am I pursuing Jesus? Am I seeking to grow daily in my relationship with Him? I admit, I've had a dry spell. I got caught up in feeling sorry for myself that my communication with Him was only one-sided. I have repented, and I'm dusting my sword off.
Let me also say that if you're a girl reading this, and you are divorced, or not a virgin, etc. please do not think I am putting myself higher than you, or condemning you, etc. I am not at all. You are loved, you are forgiven, and I am just a fellow sinner saved by grace. I am in need of daily forgiveness. I am aware that the odds are against my meeting a 5-point girl, but as long as we're both pursuing Christ then all else is under the blood, as they say. This subject was just on my mind.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Palm Sunday
WoW. It truly has been a whole month since I have last written. Allow me to explain:
The first week of March was spent in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, which turned out to be a lot of fun. I work with great people in the Great American Conference, and the city of Bartlesville threw everything they had into making it a great week for all of us. I cannot thank them enough.
The second week of March I got to go back to Georgia to see friends and family. I loved that week! I miss Watkinsville First Baptist Church so much it hurts. I miss the friends I had, the adults I could look up to, and the children I could lead. The welcome I received from my Fight Club brothers was worth the 9hr drive by itself. It really highlighted all that I have been missing here in Arkansas spiritually.
The last two weeks of March passed in relative silence here in Arkansas. Given the short length of time that I planned to be out here, it was very hard for me to try to get involved somewhere. It still is. Now that it's April, and my time with the GAC is over May 8, I have entered 'survival mode' in the sense that I'm just trying to get through a day at a time to get to the next step.
I believe this is a huge failure on my part. Boldness, attack, aggressiveness, initiative, etc. are not my normal personality settings. When I am around bold people, I become bold. When I see a problem, I attack. When I am told to do something, I do it. When I seek out opportunities, and am stymied, I am quick to get discouraged. Believe me, no one is more aware of my faults and imperfections than myself.
Two weeks of inactivity, and being left alone with my thoughts, is not very healthy for me. I also went the better part of those two weeks without my main addiction, Coca-Cola. It was a good time. Unfortunately, I hit "the sauce" again Thursday and have relatively drowned myself these past few days. I know I need to stop, and I think that I will be able to let it go again since it has become clear to me that I feel better without it than I do with it. Addictions suck. I can be thankful that I am not addicted to heavier things, but at the same time it's still slavery to something that isn't my Savior.
Speaking of my Savior, He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey about two thousand years ago. We take this day to remember and celebrate that. "Hosanna!" "Yay!", but in a week it will be "Crucify Him!". How fickle we are! How fickle I am! I may not be screaming "Crucify Him!", but I nail Him to that cross every day and night by my actions. My sins put Him on that cross. He didn't have to die for me. I don't deserve it. I did not ask for it. I honestly did not know or care. He died for me while I was yet a sinner. He did it because He loves me. (Romans 5:8) Most of the time, I do not even love myself. I have done some cool things in my life, things that I can be proud of, but that doesn't mean I love myself. Since I do not love myself, I do not expect others to love me. I have lived so much of my life serving others that I honestly do not care what happens to me. If I die alone and in obscurity, so be it. I ultimately want my life to reflect Christ and His Kingdom here on earth. I know that when I get to Heaven, I'll probably muck out stables in His Kingdom. Still, when the King is good, the people are happy :)
Given that, I have been doing a lot of thinking about legacies, writings, etc. As I read God's Word, I see ordinary people placed in extraordinary situations, and by the grace of God they prevail. These people were not perfect, but everything points to God's glory. I wonder how much of my life points to God's glory. Right now, it probably doesn't. Whether I am in a great mood, or a dark mood; whether I love myself, or hate myself; God is still on His throne. He was on His throne before He created me, and He will be on His throne for eternity. I make no difference. I read the letters of Paul, which comprise most of the New Testament, and even then we only get a glimpse of a few days of Paul's life where he actually put pen to paper. We weren't there on the days where he was pissed off. We weren't there on the days where he just sat and made a tent. All we know of him are the words he put on paper. He could have lied, he could have exaggerated the truth, we cannot know. We take it on faith. God showed me the importance of writing things down a few years ago, and despite my imperfections and failures I try to do so. It may not be as flowery as Paul's writings, but I do what I can. I shock myself at my brutality and honesty in my journal. Not everything in that journal makes it on here, and vice versa.
I read the Gospels, and we only see a few glimpses of a few days in the life of Jesus. I read all four accounts of the Triumphal Entry today, and what if the 'crowds' shouting "Hosanna!" were just 10-20 people. What if the "triumph" was scoffed at by casual onlookers. Because of writing, we understand it to be a huge event. In either case, Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of entering Jerusalem on a donkey. A week later, He hung on a cross for our sins. This just goes to show that His divine plan will be fulfilled regardless of what we think of it! There is a God, we rebelled against Him, He loves us and died for us, and regardless of what you may think He is coming back. This is just the way it is. Whatever counter arguments, rationales, etc. they do not matter. He was born, He lived, He allowed Himself to be murdered, and HE ROSE AGAIN! He is coming back. He does not need my permission to be God. I love Habakkuk 2:20 "But the Lord is in His holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him." I love that God is the One saying that. He is God...shut up! He loves you...shut up! He died for you...shut up! He came back for you...shut up! It blows my mind.
It floors me that no matter what mood I am in, I cannot *not* believe in Him. Renouncing Him is impossible for me. I may not feel saved, or I may not be a useful part of the Kingdom, but at the same time I believe with every part of me that He is real. I cannot eloquently put my finger on it at times, but He is still God. He is still on His throne. He will reign eternally. You decide what you will do about it. Hosanna.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart Kingsley
The first week of March was spent in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, which turned out to be a lot of fun. I work with great people in the Great American Conference, and the city of Bartlesville threw everything they had into making it a great week for all of us. I cannot thank them enough.
The second week of March I got to go back to Georgia to see friends and family. I loved that week! I miss Watkinsville First Baptist Church so much it hurts. I miss the friends I had, the adults I could look up to, and the children I could lead. The welcome I received from my Fight Club brothers was worth the 9hr drive by itself. It really highlighted all that I have been missing here in Arkansas spiritually.
The last two weeks of March passed in relative silence here in Arkansas. Given the short length of time that I planned to be out here, it was very hard for me to try to get involved somewhere. It still is. Now that it's April, and my time with the GAC is over May 8, I have entered 'survival mode' in the sense that I'm just trying to get through a day at a time to get to the next step.
I believe this is a huge failure on my part. Boldness, attack, aggressiveness, initiative, etc. are not my normal personality settings. When I am around bold people, I become bold. When I see a problem, I attack. When I am told to do something, I do it. When I seek out opportunities, and am stymied, I am quick to get discouraged. Believe me, no one is more aware of my faults and imperfections than myself.
Two weeks of inactivity, and being left alone with my thoughts, is not very healthy for me. I also went the better part of those two weeks without my main addiction, Coca-Cola. It was a good time. Unfortunately, I hit "the sauce" again Thursday and have relatively drowned myself these past few days. I know I need to stop, and I think that I will be able to let it go again since it has become clear to me that I feel better without it than I do with it. Addictions suck. I can be thankful that I am not addicted to heavier things, but at the same time it's still slavery to something that isn't my Savior.
Speaking of my Savior, He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey about two thousand years ago. We take this day to remember and celebrate that. "Hosanna!" "Yay!", but in a week it will be "Crucify Him!". How fickle we are! How fickle I am! I may not be screaming "Crucify Him!", but I nail Him to that cross every day and night by my actions. My sins put Him on that cross. He didn't have to die for me. I don't deserve it. I did not ask for it. I honestly did not know or care. He died for me while I was yet a sinner. He did it because He loves me. (Romans 5:8) Most of the time, I do not even love myself. I have done some cool things in my life, things that I can be proud of, but that doesn't mean I love myself. Since I do not love myself, I do not expect others to love me. I have lived so much of my life serving others that I honestly do not care what happens to me. If I die alone and in obscurity, so be it. I ultimately want my life to reflect Christ and His Kingdom here on earth. I know that when I get to Heaven, I'll probably muck out stables in His Kingdom. Still, when the King is good, the people are happy :)
Given that, I have been doing a lot of thinking about legacies, writings, etc. As I read God's Word, I see ordinary people placed in extraordinary situations, and by the grace of God they prevail. These people were not perfect, but everything points to God's glory. I wonder how much of my life points to God's glory. Right now, it probably doesn't. Whether I am in a great mood, or a dark mood; whether I love myself, or hate myself; God is still on His throne. He was on His throne before He created me, and He will be on His throne for eternity. I make no difference. I read the letters of Paul, which comprise most of the New Testament, and even then we only get a glimpse of a few days of Paul's life where he actually put pen to paper. We weren't there on the days where he was pissed off. We weren't there on the days where he just sat and made a tent. All we know of him are the words he put on paper. He could have lied, he could have exaggerated the truth, we cannot know. We take it on faith. God showed me the importance of writing things down a few years ago, and despite my imperfections and failures I try to do so. It may not be as flowery as Paul's writings, but I do what I can. I shock myself at my brutality and honesty in my journal. Not everything in that journal makes it on here, and vice versa.
I read the Gospels, and we only see a few glimpses of a few days in the life of Jesus. I read all four accounts of the Triumphal Entry today, and what if the 'crowds' shouting "Hosanna!" were just 10-20 people. What if the "triumph" was scoffed at by casual onlookers. Because of writing, we understand it to be a huge event. In either case, Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of entering Jerusalem on a donkey. A week later, He hung on a cross for our sins. This just goes to show that His divine plan will be fulfilled regardless of what we think of it! There is a God, we rebelled against Him, He loves us and died for us, and regardless of what you may think He is coming back. This is just the way it is. Whatever counter arguments, rationales, etc. they do not matter. He was born, He lived, He allowed Himself to be murdered, and HE ROSE AGAIN! He is coming back. He does not need my permission to be God. I love Habakkuk 2:20 "But the Lord is in His holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him." I love that God is the One saying that. He is God...shut up! He loves you...shut up! He died for you...shut up! He came back for you...shut up! It blows my mind.
It floors me that no matter what mood I am in, I cannot *not* believe in Him. Renouncing Him is impossible for me. I may not feel saved, or I may not be a useful part of the Kingdom, but at the same time I believe with every part of me that He is real. I cannot eloquently put my finger on it at times, but He is still God. He is still on His throne. He will reign eternally. You decide what you will do about it. Hosanna.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart Kingsley
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