Faithfulness

Okay, so it's been almost 5 months since I've last updated this blog.  Again, sue me.  Really things had been so boring up until October 28.  I work at school, we had the best football season in school history, life was routine.  Wake up, go to school, go to football, come home, sleep, repeat.  I really didn't feel like boring y'all with the boring details.  There were some awesome moments though, like coming back from being down 31-0 to beat Dutchtown 40-37, and beating Eagles Landing on a last second fumble recovery in the end zone.  Stuff like that.

This week I was reading in Hebrews 11 about the heroes of our Judeo-Christian faith.  I read about how God told them to do something, they did it, and He credited it to them as righteousness.  Now, the Bible also says elsewhere that there is no one who is righteous.  No, not one.  So, I have struggled with righteousness in the past, but I heard somewhere that the "Breastplate of Righteousness" is not our own righteousness, but rather God's righteousness that He armors us with.  Nothing is getting through that armor.  So, when we are obedient to God, we show that we love Him.  God's love language is obedience.  I have learned that no matter how much time I spend reading the Bible or praying to Him, singing praises or telling Him I love Him, my relationship means nothing if I don't obey Him.  So, in the past few years He has been showing me how to obey Him.  This year had been a very rough year for me up until October 28.  This week God showed me all the ways I had been faithful to Him this past year.  Now, by saying I was faithful I am not saying that I was joyful about it.  I just did what I was told and soldiered on.


If you go back through my blog entries, you will be caught up to July 24.  I was faithful to go to Arkansas, Willow Falls, and Locust Grove.  By the grace of God, I came into Locust Grove with a great attitude, which I still have :)  Sure, I wish I made more money, but God has totally provided.  Living at home has not been that bad.  The only expense I really have is gas, which has taken up half of my total income thus far.  Still, I have everything I need.  All glory to God in that :)  I was faithful, and He has blessed me.

Now, the biggest thing that has happened this year has come in the way of relationships.  I had been praying long and hard for my future wife.  My prayer this year became "God, I know I can't get married right now, but please let me at least meet her and start building a relationship."  If you go back to my post about my standards, you'll see the 5 standards that God has laid on my heart while I was in Arkansas:

1. Christian
2. Single
3. Virgin
4. Non-Divorced
5. Close in proximity

I had given up hope that a "5-pt girl" existed.  It got to the point where I was just ready to give up altogether one day.  That day was October 28, when I met the woman who is now my girlfriend.  On October 29 I drove to see her.  On November 1 I drove to see her again.  I had found the rare 5-pt girl!  On November 2, God gave me the green light to pursue her.  Then she left on November 3 for 2 weeks in Ireland.  Talk about bad timing :/  Still, God knew what He was doing, and when she came back from Ireland we began building a friendship.  On November 19 she became my girlfriend.  Since then, we have just spent what time we have together growing and getting to know each other.  She truly is amazing, and all glory goes to God for introducing me to His daughter.  I had always heard it said that a relationship should be like a triangle where God is at the top, and the two of you are the bottom points.  As you move closer to God, you move closer to each other.  That is so true!  My relationship with God has exploded, and He has allowed my relationship with my girlfriend to explode too.  He separates us for days at a time, but that's so that we can refocus on Him and grow.  But when He lets us be together, we grow together.  I could write a lot more on this subject, but all that to say:  I was faithful to God with those 5 standards, and even though I was about to give up, and my belief was shot to pieces, He was still faithful to me.  This relationship is completely in His hands, and I pray He continues to bless us and teach us how to be the man and woman He created us to be.  Separately or together.  Soli Deo Gloria.

In closing, the sobering thing to remember is that a lot of the famous faithful did not live to see the very rewards they were promised.  God's timetable is not limited by a human lifetime, sadly.  God exists for His own glory, not ours.  We just get to benefit from His glory from time to time.  If ending my relationship brings Him the most glory, then it will end.  If my relationship will bring Him the most glory, then it will grow.  This is not about me and her, it is about Him.  When you attempt to read the Bible, read it asking yourself "What does this passage tell me about the nature of God?"  Don't read it as "How can this passage help me have a happy life?".  If you're in a hard place concerning faith right now, let me encourage you that it gets better.  Maybe you need to take your eyes off of yourself and see what God is up to in the world around you.  Remember the Christian life is about glorifying God, not having Him glorify you.  I love you all.

Soli Deo Gloria.  Amen.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Wildcat

Okay, so it has been close to another month since I've written.  Sue me.  Just kidding, please don't.

I spent another amazing week at Willow Falls.  I was working during Icthus without being a counselor.  It was pretty rough because my pride wanted me to jump right in.  Still, I was able to work hard and do well with the Willow Falls staff.  I hate goodbyes, so I left quietly.  I really miss everyone up there.

However, God called me back home for a reason.  My new football team was going to an FCA football camp at Tennessee Tech University, and the head coach thought it would be a great ice breaker for me.  It turns out that it was.  Also, it was only for 3 days.  Two of those days were halved by traveling.  The bus ride was long and slow, but we made it home safely.  At camp, I worked with the linemen.  I am looking forward to this season with those linemen.  At the last night meeting, around 100 players made decisions for Christ, including several on my team!  That was the highlight.  These guys are serious, will get baptized soon, and I hope to help disciple them.  Either that, or just provide a good role model.  I'm still not A+ discipler material (if that isn't a word, I just made it one).

I'm still really worried because I don't know what my parapro job will entail.  I'm also not ready to be a coach, and it will be a lot more learning.  Also, I will have to take online classes, so it's back to school.  I just need to loop Tedashii's "Work" all day.


We watched The Blind Side on the way to camp, and I realized just how much I dislike that movie.  The first time I saw it, I loved it, but the more I watch it the more I want to punch Sandra Bullock in the face.  Ok, not really, but I want to at least punch a wall.  Quinton Aaron is good, but I wonder if Michael Oher was really that Teddy Bear-ish?  I have to ask, is "Protective Instincts" really a testable variable?  Tim McGraw was just in the movie because they needed a big name for a man who didn't really have to say much since Sandra Bullock had every line.  The kid who played SJ was cool.  The best part of the movie was Lily Collins...playing Collins...I see what they did there.  Still, Lily, call me.  Your father is an amazing artist.  Also, the whole part with the mean old NCAA lady cornering poor Michael...just...poor attempt to make controversy.  I get the whole booster thing, but the way they did it in the movie was over the top.  The NCAA should have really cracked down on the benefits the coaches promised to SJ.  The part of the movie that made me laugh the most were the cameos of famous SEC coaches.  None of whom were still coaching at that school when the movie was made.  With all due respect to the University of Tennessee, I hope they lose every game, I agree with the Tuohys in their hatred.  Every line Coach Fulmer spoke made me laugh.  Same with Coach Holtz.  I like Coach Nutt, Coach Tuberville, and Coach Orgeron.  I even like Coach Saban.  Don't get me wrong, I respect Coach Fulmer and Coach Holtz.  No disrespect to them.  The greatest part of the coaching montage was the fake UGA coach in the fake UGA shirt who seemed scared of Coach Fulmer.  Why even put that in the movie?  I heard that UGA didn't even recruit Oher.  Still, despite the movie, good job for Michael Oher.  He is a good player, and has worked hard for what he has received.  Good job for the Tuohys as well.  I have never met them, and I hope they are satisfied with how they were portrayed.  Again, Lily Collins, call me.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is the song "Call Me Maybe".  It is quite catchy.  After careful deliberation I have determined that I dislike the song largely because I doubt a girl would ever do that to me.  So, I confess my jealousy, repent of my sin, and wish Carly Rae Jepsen all the best.

Well, until next time.  Go Cats!

For the Kingdom,
Stuart

Battle for the Campfire 2

I have a report from the campfire Thursday night at Camp Icthus. One of my boys trusted Christ! Also, Mr. Sam and I knew we were walking into a spiritual battle for the campfire just as we had experienced last year. Last year we felt demons actually charge the kids around the fire, and we prayed defense. Thursday night the demons did not charge, and we felt the presence of God defending us. I actually felt the darkness leave. Apparently one demon stayed back to scout because Sam and I prayed against it. We heard a honking shrieking sound come at us from the woods, and it startled us! It sounded like nothing either of us had ever heard. Then the shrieks grew fainter as it flew away. We heard flapping wings and branches breaking! Ms. Cindy also heard it, and she was praying protection too. She told us Friday morning that when she and her girls got back to the cabin, one of her girls (Madison) asked her who the man in white was. Sam and I were both wearing white, but she said the man was huge, had a sword and shield, and was standing on top of the boys cabin! I asked Madison Friday morning what she saw, and she said she had seen three such men. One to the left of the cabin, one on top of the cabin, and one on the road to the right of the cabin...right where I had felt the enemy leave! I really can't make this stuff up. It is both exhilarating and terrifying. Sam and I were both waiting for something to charge straight at us out of the woods, but nothing did. It just honked at us. God was with us last night. I wish I could feel that every night. Oh, also, I did not have my stick or shield. I relied on God to do the fighting. For the Kingdom, Stuart

A View From The Bottom

Wow, again it has been about a month since I last posted.  I also see that I have at least one reader in Alaska, which is fun.

After about a month in the basement, I must say I am a lot more hopeful than I was the last time I wrote.  I had about 2 weeks where I battled self-loathing, etc.  A few months ago, I decided that I needed to work outdoors in some capacity this summer.  I had 2 options.  The first option was a job in Athens where I knew the owner's family.  The second was to work at Willow Falls where Camp Icthus is.  The Falls usually hires 2 hands for the summer.  I procrastinated a lot in the pursuit of both options, and felt that both passed me by.  Along with working at Willow Falls, I wanted to work all 3 sessions of Camp Icthus.  Since I was uncertain about where I would be those weeks, I couldn't commit to anything.  Again, I felt like a chance had passed me by.  So, I sat in the basement and made myself sad.  The good thing about despair is that God uses it to bring people to Him.  When you have nothing to hold on to you reach for the nearest thing, and God is always there.  Sometimes He has to sink the boat to make you realize you can walk on water.  I began to pursue His Word again, and He told me to start taking steps towards my goals.  So, I went to WFBC and asked if I could help with their summer camp.  That was a no.  I had only asked about the week before, so that was obvious.  Still, I had to take a shot.  I went to CBC and asked if I could help with their summer camp.  That was a yes, but it would cost $275.  I had the money, so I said I would go.  That next week, I journeyed up to Willow Falls to visit my dear friends for 3 days and 2 nights.  While I was there, I was asked if I still wanted to work.  I said yes.  So, I would work the week before and the week after Icthus 1, and hopefully be a counselor all 3 sessions of Icthus, for a grand total of 5 weeks as close to Heaven as I will get on this earth.  I was happy!  In order to do Willow Falls, however, I had to give up Daytona.  So, I gave up Daytona.  I found out about a week or so later that I would only be a counselor for Icthus 1, which narrowed my time to 3 weeks, but the Falls made it sound like I could work during the other 2 sessions of Icthus so that I could stick around.  Either way, with 3 weeks or 5, I will achieve my goal of working at the Falls, and being a counselor for Icthus.  I am so happy to be getting out of the basement for a few weeks!  I still have no clue where I will end up in August, and I still do not have a job lined up, but I can rejoice in knowing that God still wants to use me and provide opportunities for me to rejoice in Him.

I got called in for a job interview this past Tuesday morning for a job that is not in sports.  I will find out about that position next week, so I won't mention any more about it.  I will be out of commission from Sunday, June 17, to Saturday, July 21, since I will be up on the mountain without constant internet.  I will have my phone, so if you want to get in touch with me text or call.  I will post an update when I return :)

I don't know how many total people read my blog, and I know it is not about numbers.  I could point to several other more-spiritual blogs, etc.  Still, thank you for reading.  Feel free to comment on anything.  I love feedback.  I have not been a very good representation of Christ lately, and it shows in my lack of posts, but if I just posted about the "holy" moments then I would not seem real to you.  I have so much on my mind about how the world is going on right now, and once I get my thoughts together I will post more.  In the meantime, read Habakkuk and see how God must punish evil.  If His people are evil, He must discipline them.  God does not let you live your life in any way you want!  I can write more on that later, or have a one-on-one discussion, etc.  Again, thank you for reading.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Standards Part Deux

A while ago I posted what I consider to be standards for my potential mate.  I was met with mixed responses.  I want to clarify something by posting four standards that I heard in church that I hold myself to.

1.  Priest
2.  Prophet
3.  Protector
4.  Provider

As I understand it, to be a Priest I must intercede on behalf of my family.  I must honor my wife, and present her as a pure queen to God at the end of our life.  I will exist to make her better.  All selfish desires should be executed.  As if that were not enough, when I have children I must present them as holy princes and princesses at the end as well.  So whatever free time I had from serving my wife is now given to my children.  Now, like any 26-yr old male, I enjoy my freedom.  I enjoy being able to have my own place, and do with it what I will.  However, also as a 26-yr old male, I am completely over it.  I hate being alone.  I'm ready for companionship.  I feel that I am ready to undertake this responsibility knowing full well that I have no idea what I am getting into!  I listen to the advice given by my male mentors, and I take notes.  I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.

To be a Prophet, I must also act as God's mouthpiece to my family.  I should set the example for them to follow.  I should discipline, chastise, etc. in a graceful fashion.  I should not exasperate my children.  I must listen to God's Law, and enforce it in my house.  I will train my children in the way they should go so that when they are older they will not stray from it.  Again, I am flawed, so I foresee that I will have to do a lot of repenting and apologizing.  Fortunately, blessedly, I have had my pride systematically beaten out of me for a while now.  I have gone from humility to humiliation.  My family will have to have a lot of grace for me, but they can know that I will give them everything I have.  I feel that I am also ready to pursue this course of action.  I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.

At first glance, Protector is pretty simple.  I have a gun, I have several sticks, I have fists, etc.  Trust me, I'm ready to destroy any boy who looks at my daughter.  However, over the course of the past year or so I have learned that protection goes beyond the physical.  At our College retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN, last year I saw a friend of mine protect his girlfriend from an offensive stage performance by leading her out in the middle of it.  At the same retreat, I saw my friend clear a table and place it under his pregnant wife's feet so she could be comfortable.  These are just a few of the examples that show me that protection goes into the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms as well.  I know full well where certain sins entered my life, and how my parents failed to protect me from them.  Even though they could not protect me forever, there were still clear moments where the shield was gone.  Since it's my job to present my family members as holy royalty at the end, that begins with the day to day.  I can see where I fail to guard my mind in certain areas, and I have no clue how to start in their lives.  Still, as situations become apparent, and the Spirit reveals, I feel that I will be able to adapt.  I know full well that measures need to be taken now, and so I am.  Again, I will not be prepared for everything, but my own mistakes will act as a guidebook for the protection of my family.  I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.

Now we come to the swift, strong kick in the balls.  I am unable to be a Provider right now.  For years I have sat in Fight Club, and heard about the dangerous 30-yr old who sits in his parents' basement and plays World of Warcraft.  I have heard open disdain for such a person.  A man must have a job, a man must have his own place, etc.  For the past few years, I have had that.  "I have a Bible, I have a job, and I don't live with my parents." was a classic pick-up line from Pastor Mark Driscoll, that I jokingly could use.  Now, however, I cannot.  After 8 years of education, I have a Master's Degree.  Hooray!  I have achieved what many people have not.  However, my industry is very selective and I have no job.  I am seeking other employment opportunities currently, but nothing has broken yet.  I have moved back home for the time being which kills my eligibility, thereby negating my need for marital standards in the first place.  Every part of my pride is gone.  Just, gone.  It's not for lack of trying.  I moved to Arkansas, made connections, people like me, etc. but there are no jobs that want me.  I have joined a vast percentage of Americans my age.  There can be some solace in communal hardship, but that is where my pride comes in.  This should not happen to me.  Maybe others, but not me!  Still, God says "Hah, it happened to you!"  Now what?  How many verses must I memorize, or books must I read, or pounds must I lose, etc. before things can finally take a turn for the better.  I cannot be a Provider regardless of how much I want to be.  That is gone from me.  That I cannot control.  This is a standard I hold myself to, which I cannot meet regardless of how willing I am.  So, now I can be the subject of pity, prayers, and sometimes open disdain.  I am in the basement, and therefore not worthy of anyone's time, apparently.  It can be seen as a gross failure.  Somewhere along the line, I did not do something right apparently, as Job's friends would have had him believe.   To be completely honest, there comes a time when "I'm praying for you" sounds like an insult.  How much prayer is needed?  I am in danger of being trapped by my own sense of legalism.  I see no way out.  This road is closed to me despite how ready I feel that I am.

However, all is not lost.  This is only for a season.  If I'm home, I don't really have to worry about having my own place for the time being.  I can focus on spiritual disciplines -- I'm even reading "Disciplines for a Godly Man" currently -- and I can focus on my health -- I have an older mentor that I can look up to for exercise accountability, and I have my stud brother to encourage me.  My sister hooked me up with a fitness app on my iPhone that has already helped me today.  I just have to take it one day at a time.  I know that if I am faithful today then tomorrow can take care of itself.  If I'm out of the game for 3 months, that's okay so long as I improve in those 3 months.  In a way, God answered some of my prayers in this.  I just have to kill my own perceptions of self worth, and focus on how He values me.  I'm only 26, and hopefully by the time I am 27 I will be in better health, spiritually stronger, and out of the house.  Once I fill my fourth standard, and strengthen the other three, then will I be ready for a 5-point woman.  Yes, I can get depressed and bitter, and I have.  Still, I know I need to focus on disciplining myself right now.  I just hope that a) my friends don't abandon me, and b) I don't have to go through it alone.  I have faith that God knows what He is doing.  So, there it is, and here I am.  Love me or leave me.  I am excited to see who I am on the other side of the season.  Dead or alive, Soli Deo Gloria.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Parting Thoughts

My time here in Russellville, Arkansas, is nearing an end.  I spent today packing, and will spend tomorrow running an errand to Little Rock, packing, and having a goodbye dinner with my GAC friends.  After 4 months in Arkansas, I will miss the state.  It truly is a beautiful state.

Looking back, I honestly have no idea why God brought me out here.  I mean, I needed an internship to graduate with my Master's Degree, and He provided that.  I worked with great people, met some other great people, and got a lot of championship operations experience.  It was definitely outside of my norm, but I appreciate the experience.  I had other offers closer to home, but I really felt God leading me out to Arkansas, so I faithfully went.

Spiritually, I feel that I regressed, as is evident by my lack of blog updates :(  It has been rough out here on my own spiritually.  Before WFBC, I was content being a spiritual loner because it was all I knew.  After the fellowship of WFBC and Fight Club, moving out here nearly killed me.  I tried my hand at a local church, but that didn't work out.  I'd like to believe I helped those 6th and 8th grade boys out a bit, but I was only there for a few weeks.  I had little to no interaction with anyone else.  I only attended that church one Sunday.  Spiritually, I have nothing to show for my time here, and that hurts :(  However, I did get to spend 2 weekends with my uncle in Harrison, and I really like his church.  If it hadn't been 2.5 hrs away through the mountains, I would have gone more often.

I am sad to say that my physical health suffered as well.  I am normally sedentary, but aside from my co-workers I didn't meet anyone in Russellville that I spent time with.  I was either in the office, or in my apartment.  There are a lot of food options in Russellville, and though I tried cooking for myself I found it easier to just drive through somewhere.  I have gained like 30 lbs in 4 months :(  Last week, I began to act on my convictions, and I am trying to at least cut out soft drinks for the time being.  There are a lot of hiking trails nearby.  They have scenic Mt. Nebo, and lovely Lake Dardanelle, not to mention the Arkansas River.  However, while I was out there I hated being by myself.  It was still beautiful though.

I feel that my whole Arkansas experience was hindered by the short amount of time I was out here, at least in my mind.  Though, I am sorry to leave it.  My mother is from Arkansas, so I consider myself half Arkansan.  If I could sum up my time here in one word it would be some variation of "lonely".

But...I have my Master's Degree in Sport Management from the University of Georgia.  Yay!  Now what?  I return to Georgia with no job offers despite many applications sent out.  Again, I feel that I have nothing to show for my time out here.  I return to Georgia feeling defeated.

*Let me be clear to point out that every person that I worked with either in the conference office or its member institutions was amazing.  The people I met in the various tournament cities were amazing as well.  I hope they remember me fondly as I will remember them.  My own personal sad feelings are not because of them.  They were the highlights of my time in Arkansas, and I will miss them greatly.*

Also, my faith has strengthened this past week, and I have always known that God's plan is the best plan for me.  He has not let me down yet, and so I pack to go home optimistically seeking His will.  If I do not end up with a job in sports, then that is fine as long as I am not stuck in my parents' basement for an extended period of time.  That would kill me.

Through His Word, God reminds me that He has a plan and a purpose for me, and that still gets me excited.  Habakkuk 1:5, Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, etc.  This is just a valley, and God will reveal the purpose of my time in Arkansas to me when I am ready to learn it.  I will miss Arkansas, and will return in June to officially move out of my apartment.  I am looking forward to seeing my Athenian brethren soon :)

Thank you, Arkansas, for your beauty.  Thank you, Spring Lake Apartments, for an apartment that leaves me completely spoiled!  Thank you Great American Conference for this opportunity!  I will be the first to admit that I have issues, and I will work on them, but thank you all for putting up with me.  I hope our paths cross again.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Standards

When you are just meeting someone you would potentially like to date, you get a lot of the same questions.  "What is your favorite color?", etc.  One I've heard a lot is "What do you look for in a girl?".  I think this is a trap question for guys.  Every person knows what they are attracted to.  I have heard preachers say "Adam didn't have a choice with Eve." but since Adam and Eve had babies, we have a wide assortment to choose from.  I, too, have my list of what I am attracted to.  So, I started thinking about standards, not physical attraction standards but rather hardline standards.  I'm getting to that age where "beggars can't be choosers" starts applying, but I still hold my standards.  I thought I would list my standards for you:
1.  Christian
2.  Single, and wants to date me.
3.  Virgin
4.  Non-divorced
5.  Close proximity

If I were living hundreds of years ago, I would be limited to my village; however in today's society with online dating, Facebook, quick travel, etc. it is possible to meet almost anyone.  I have yet to meet one girl that has met all 5 of my criteria.  I had a discussion with my friend about it, and he said I might have to start making some exceptions.  So let's look at them again:

1.  I can't budge on her being a Christian.  Jesus is my main relationship, and if she can't share in that then I don't want to spend the time explaining it.
2.  It is rather necessary for her to be Single and interested if we are to enter a relationship. 
3.  In today's society it is very hard to know for sure if someone is a virgin.  For most of my early 20's I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm completely jaded.  I am a virgin, and I'm waiting for my wife, but I have no idea about anyone else.  Given the circumstances surrounding the situation, I can make an exception here.  It's a tough, sex-driven world and we all make mistakes.  I cannot judge in this area.
4.  I have been blown away by the number of girls I have met who are younger than me and divorced.  Usually, they married someone in the military.  I have to add something to this in that I count "We lived together then broke up" as a divorce too.  Basically, if you lived together I assume you're not a virgin.  Call me "old-fashioned", but I was raised to believe that marriage should never be entered lightly.  It is a lifelong commitment.  "Til Death Do Us Part" is not a suggestion.  It's not "Until You Get Fat", or "Until You Cheat On Me".  I am in no way condoning cheating on your spouse.  "Do Not Commit Adultery" is pretty explicit.  However, marriage is a covenant bond made in the sight of God.  If you're upset that he/she cheated on you, read Hosea.  I usually stop pursuing a girl if I find out she is divorced.  I'm torn on the subject, especially if she was cheated on, but if the marriage can end so quickly it makes me doubt the security of our possible marriage.  I know nobody plans to cheat on their spouse.  Back to the military marriages, my sister is in one and I think they are doing quite well.  I pray for them daily.  However, I hear about her friends' divorces, and it kills me.  I also have personal friends who are products of military divorce.  Being apart from a spouse for extended periods of time hurts, I'm sure.  And, I get it, you want to have sex before they leave.  Who wouldn't?  But wait, sex outside of marriage is wrong, so let's get married so we can have sex!  Oh you're gone for a year, and my great guy friend comforted me; or I was deployed for a year, and there were these girls in the city...you know what I'm saying.  I have really digressed...I could write a whole other post on divorce, but I won't.  Let's just say I'm torn on the matter of whether or not it is a deal-breaker.  It's just a lot of added baggage that I am not ready to deal with :/
5.  This issue has arisen with online dating, etc.  It's very hard if I cannot see you regularly.  Words on a screen, or text messages, etc. only go so far to develop intimacy.  I have to be able to stand being in the room with you, and vice versa.  I want you to be comfortable with me.  I added this standard because I know some girls who meet the hardline standards, yet are a thousand miles away.  It's too emotionally taxing.  Plus, there is a trap of getting too emotionally involved to where you get more content with the idea of the person than the person themselves.  It's just a dangerous situation that I have introduced myself to, and got out of.  I try not to knock it if I don't try it.  It's just too emotionally taxing for me.  I can't really make an exception here.

So, all of these standards point to faith.  Do I have faith that God created a girl out there who meets all 5 of my standards?  She could have red hair, black hair, no hair, etc. in 50 years we'll both look like crap.  Will we both love and pursue Jesus?  Will we be committed to each other?  Will we have sexually known only each other?  Will we be each others' only spouse?  Will she be in my same zip code?  That comes back to whether or not I meet my own #1.  Am I pursuing Jesus?  Am I seeking to grow daily in my relationship with Him?  I admit, I've had a dry spell.  I got caught up in feeling sorry for myself that my communication with Him was only one-sided.  I have repented, and I'm dusting my sword off.

Let me also say that if you're a girl reading this, and you are divorced, or not a virgin, etc. please do not think I am putting myself higher than you, or condemning you, etc.  I am not at all.  You are loved, you are forgiven, and I am just a fellow sinner saved by grace.  I am in need of daily forgiveness.  I am aware that the odds are against my meeting a 5-point girl, but as long as we're both pursuing Christ then all else is under the blood, as they say.  This subject was just on my mind.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart

Palm Sunday

WoW.  It truly has been a whole month since I have last written.  Allow me to explain:

The first week of March was spent in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, which turned out to be a lot of fun.  I work with great people in the Great American Conference, and the city of Bartlesville threw everything they had into making it a great week for all of us.  I cannot thank them enough.

The second week of March I got to go back to Georgia to see friends and family.  I loved that week!  I miss Watkinsville First Baptist Church so much it hurts.  I miss the friends I had, the adults I could look up to, and the children I could lead.  The welcome I received from my Fight Club brothers was worth the 9hr drive by itself.  It really highlighted all that I have been missing here in Arkansas spiritually.

The last two weeks of March passed in relative silence here in Arkansas.  Given the short length of time that I planned to be out here, it was very hard for me to try to get involved somewhere.  It still is.  Now that it's April, and my time with the GAC is over May 8, I have entered 'survival mode' in the sense that I'm just trying to get through a day at a time to get to the next step.

I believe this is a huge failure on my part.  Boldness, attack, aggressiveness, initiative, etc. are not my normal personality settings.  When I am around bold people, I become bold.  When I see a problem, I attack.  When I am told to do something, I do it.  When I seek out opportunities, and am stymied, I am quick to get discouraged.  Believe me, no one is more aware of my faults and imperfections than myself.

Two weeks of inactivity, and being left alone with my thoughts, is not very healthy for me.  I also went the better part of those two weeks without my main addiction, Coca-Cola.  It was a good time.  Unfortunately, I hit "the sauce" again Thursday and have relatively drowned myself these past few days.  I know I need to stop, and I think that I will be able to let it go again since it has become clear to me that I feel better without it than I do with it.  Addictions suck.  I can be thankful that I am not addicted to heavier things, but at the same time it's still slavery to something that isn't my Savior.

Speaking of my Savior, He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey about two thousand years ago.  We take this day to remember and celebrate that.  "Hosanna!" "Yay!", but in a week it will be "Crucify Him!".  How fickle we are!  How fickle I am!  I may not be screaming "Crucify Him!", but I nail Him to that cross every day and night by my actions.  My sins put Him on that cross.  He didn't have to die for me.  I don't deserve it.  I did not ask for it.  I honestly did not know or care.  He died for me while I was yet a sinner.  He did it because He loves me.  (Romans 5:8)  Most of the time, I do not even love myself.  I have done some cool things in my life, things that I can be proud of, but that doesn't mean I love myself.  Since I do not love myself, I do not expect others to love me.  I have lived so much of my life serving others that I honestly do not care what happens to me.  If I die alone and in obscurity, so be it.  I ultimately want my life to reflect Christ and His Kingdom here on earth.  I know that when I get to Heaven, I'll probably muck out stables in His Kingdom.  Still, when the King is good, the people are happy :)

Given that, I have been doing a lot of thinking about legacies, writings, etc.  As I read God's Word, I see ordinary people placed in extraordinary situations, and by the grace of God they prevail.  These people were not perfect, but everything points to God's glory.  I wonder how much of my life points to God's glory.  Right now, it probably doesn't.  Whether I am in a great mood, or a dark mood; whether I love myself, or hate myself; God is still on His throne.  He was on His throne before He created me, and He will be on His throne for eternity.  I make no difference.  I read the letters of Paul, which comprise most of the New Testament, and even then we only get a glimpse of a few days of Paul's life where he actually put pen to paper.  We weren't there on the days where he was pissed off.  We weren't there on the days where he just sat and made a tent.  All we know of him are the words he put on paper.  He could have lied, he could have exaggerated the truth, we cannot know.  We take it on faith.  God showed me the importance of writing things down a few years ago, and despite my imperfections and failures I try to do so.  It may not be as flowery as Paul's writings, but I do what I can.  I shock myself at my brutality and honesty in my journal.  Not everything in that journal makes it on here, and vice versa.

I read the Gospels, and we only see a few glimpses of a few days in the life of Jesus.  I read all four accounts of the Triumphal Entry today, and what if the 'crowds' shouting "Hosanna!" were just 10-20 people.  What if the "triumph" was scoffed at by casual onlookers.  Because of writing, we understand it to be a huge event.  In either case, Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of entering Jerusalem on a donkey.  A week later, He hung on a cross for our sins.  This just goes to show that His divine plan will be fulfilled regardless of what we think of it!  There is a God, we rebelled against Him, He loves us and died for us, and regardless of what you may think He is coming back.  This is just the way it is.  Whatever counter arguments, rationales, etc. they do not matter.  He was born, He lived, He allowed Himself to be murdered, and HE ROSE AGAIN!  He is coming back.  He does not need my permission to be God.  I love Habakkuk 2:20 "But the Lord is in His holy temple; let all the earth keep silence before Him."  I love that God is the One saying that.  He is God...shut up!  He loves you...shut up!  He died for you...shut up!  He came back for you...shut up!  It blows my mind.

It floors me that no matter what mood I am in, I cannot *not* believe in Him.  Renouncing Him is impossible for me.  I may not feel saved, or I may not be a useful part of the Kingdom, but at the same time I believe with every part of me that He is real.  I cannot eloquently put my finger on it at times, but He is still God.  He is still on His throne.  He will reign eternally.  You decide what you will do about it.  Hosanna.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart Kingsley

No Room in the Inn

As I write this it is 1am CST on Thursday, March 1 (happy birthday Gegot!), and I cannot sleep.  I attribute that to the Coke I drank about 2hrs ago.  Caffeine withdrawal headaches are mean.  I went all day Tuesday without a Coke, and paid the price on Wednesday.  Wednesday was probably my 2nd worst day in this job.

My first major task for the GAC was to book hotel rooms for the conference MBB and WBB teams who would be participating in our conference tournament here in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, where I am writing from.  Coming into Bartlesville, I was confident that all rooms were secure and accounted for.  Around 4pm CST Wednesday I found out just how wrong I was.  There was one AD that I just completely forgot to book, so that was my fault.  There were about four other instances where the hotels dropped the ball as well.  My representative with the Bartlesville Sports Commission is a saint, an angel, etc.  God used her in miraculous ways today, and we were able to place everyone in a room Wednesday night with issues to be sorted out for the remaining nights, hopefully.  Even I changed rooms tonight!  I went from having 2 Queen beds to 1 King to help our GAC Sports Network guys out, so that was a blessing.  I am writing this as a testament to how awesome God is even when I drop the ball.

I was also reminded of something powerful, and I must chronicle it.  I do not care if 'chronicle' is not a verb, I just made it one.  It struck me as powerful that Jesus Himself was humble enough to be born in a manger in a city where there was no room for Him in an inn.  He could have been born in a palace, surrounded by servants, etc.  Instead He chose a manger surrounded by animals and smelly shepherds.  I remember the ordeal today where an AD did not have a room, and it still mortifies me.  Granted, it is my job to supply the rooms, and for the most part they were all ready, but still...it is expected, nothing less than the best.  I am not saying the AD should be prepared to sleep outside, not at all.  Surely, I would relinquish my own room and sleep in my truck (Scarlet made the trip to OK!) than have my failure cause a detriment to someone else.  I hate failure, yet I fail so much.  My greatest fear is to fail the GAC, which means I fail UGA, which means I fail my family, etc.  By the grace of God, through the BSC and Conoco-Philips, all of the GAC affiliates have a place to lay their heads tonight...and I cannot sleep.  The irony is palpable, but blessed.  I am desperately dependent on the Hand of God to keep me alive and functioning.  He has brought to my heart things to pray about that I can guarantee nobody else in this city is praying for, and it keeps me awake.  Someone as insignificant as me can still irreparably harm an event like this, and it terrifies me.  I'm all well and good with getting no recognition for any small good thing I do, hey, it's my job.  However, when one small failure could instantly bring all wrath down on me, I stay up at night praying.  I am excited about this trip.  I have been looking forward to this trip.  I pray God's blessing on this tournament this weekend.  I pray for safety for everyone involved, and for a fun time for all.  I pray for healthy competition for His glory.  No matter what He sees fit to do with me, I will honor Him.  I am fully aware of how wretched I am, and that allows me to be more aware of His grace and mercy in my life.  I am unworthy of it, but I pray for it in abundance because I need it.  I am like a toddler knocking everything over, and not yet potty-trained, and I feel that He is a loving Father who puts up with me because He loves me.  I pray for that love to shine through so that everyone around me can see it despite myself.

There was no room in the inn in Bethlehem for the Savior, but because of Him Bartlesville, Oklahoma, rests peacefully tonight on the eve of the GAC Basketball Tournament.  I pray I shall soon be asleep peacefully as well.  If you read this, please pray for us out here.  And as Paul said, "Pray also for me..." because I sure need all the help I can get.  Amen.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

James, the brother of Jesus

We had our 8th grade guys read James last week.  I don't ask the students I lead to do thing I wouldn't do myself, so I read James as well.  Here are my thoughts:

• James is only 5 chapters.
• James and Paul seem to contradict on faith vs. works-based salvation.  If you plant an apple seed, an apple tree grows.  If the seed of the Spirit is planted in your heart, you should bear fruit.  The works don't save you, but they should make your faith evident.  Remember, you can fool others, but you can't fool God.  Check your roots.
• This particular James is Jesus' brother, as in Mary and Joseph's son.  Remember, Joseph wasn't Jesus' father.  God is the Father.  The Bible clearly states (Mark 3:31, etc.) that Jesus had brothers and sisters through Mary and Joseph.  I don't know, if I had to grow up hearing "Why can't you be more like Jesus?!" every day, I'd probably resent Him too.  In Luke 4:24 Jesus says that a prophet is not acceptable in his hometown, meaning it's hard for the people who have known  you your whole life to accept any authority from you.  Jesus was rejected in His hometown.  He told them that their rejection would cost them salvation, and they tried to kill Him in His hometown.

Anyway, I digress.

James 1:5 tells me that if I lack wisdom, which I do, I should ask God for it because He gives generously.  James 1:6 tells me that I should ask in faith though.  James 1:7 tells me I should not just assume that God will give me anything.  God is Father, not Santa.  We have all declared war on God, so it's a miracle that He even deigns to save one person!  He owes me nothing, yet He gives me everything.  That blows my mind.  James 1:12 tells me that if I persevere to the end, I will get the crown of life.  James 1:13-15 tells me to avoid temptation.  It is not God who tempts me because He wants me to grow closer to Him.  He does allow me to be tempted, however, and I cheat on Him daily :(  I am Gomer, yet I do not want to marry a Gomer (read Hosea).  I am a wretch who expects comfort!  I am detestable, and made potable only through the blood of Christ.  James 1:19 tells me I should be:

1. Quick to hear:  Sometimes I listen.  Sometimes I just wait for my turn to speak.  I need to be a better listener, and pray for discernment and wisdom to serve those I listen to.
2. Slow to speak:  This was never me!  Nobody would say I'm slow to speak.  I really need the Spirit's help with this!
3. Slow to anger:  I turn all of my anger inward on myself.  I don't ever explode.  I do, however, get frustrated extremely easily.  I panic, tell everyone, and then I have to update everyone when things change.  I am annoying!  I am sorry if I've annoyed you

James 1:22-27 tells me that if I claim to believe in the Word of God then I should act on it.  "You say you believe it, so let's see it."
James 2 starts off dealing with partiality.  I've been a very partial person.  I prefer rich and overlook poor.  I've judged books by their covers.  I am guilty of not loving others as I love myself.  James 2:10 says that if I break one of the Commandments, I am guilty of breaking all of them.  I admit my guilt.  James 2:13 assures me that mercy triumphs over judgment.  God is Just, so the fact that He has mercy on just one person is a miracle.  We need to recognize just where we stand before God before we can claim to have any little understanding of God.  No one knows the mind of God.  We are like dogs following our master.  We understand signals, and we obey or disobey.  When we realize where we all stand, that we have all declared war on God, we realize that rich/poor, White/Black, American/not, etc. all are equally in need of a Savior.  We are convinced that the harder we work, the better we are, yet in terms of salvation that is not the case.  James then goes on to say that faith without works is dead.  Faith is not salvation.  Faith is belief in the unseen that leads to action.  I have faith that a chair will hold me, but if I don't sit down then what good is that chair to me?  If I have faith that Jesus saves, yet I don't dedicate my life to that belief, then what good is Jesus' salvation for me?  I still have to reach out and accept a free gift.  True belief leads to action.  If I believe I'm going to be hit by a bus, I jump out of the way.  I believe that Jesus saved me despite anything I've done, so I dedicate my life and livelihood to my Savior.  Jesus saves those who enter the relationship with Him.  That relationship lasts for eternity.  He is not a "get out of Hell free" card even though we escape His absence (Hell) by gaining His presence (Heaven).  Our goal tends to be to escape Hell without truly realizing what Hell is.  Same with Heaven.  We perceive Heaven as "good", but we overlook the fact that it is good because it is God's intimate, eternal presence.  If we don't want a relationship with Him on Earth, we will be disappointed in Heaven.  The point is to fall more in love with Jesus to the point where we obey Him more than we love ourselves.  He gives to us so that we can give to others.  We live in pursuit of Him to one day be with Him.  If we love someone, we act on that love.  We pursue, engage, marry, etc.  As a man, I will either live for my family, or stay single, but either choice will be for the glory of God.  Because I believe in Jesus, I work hard to advance His kingdom in the hearts of people regardless of who my employer is.  If I just sat at home and did nothing, it would be apparent that I had no true beliefs.
James 3 tells me about how wicked my tongue is.  No arguments there :/  James 3:9 says that I use it to both bless and curse.  Amen.  James 3:1 tells me that teachers will be judged with greater strictness.  I have been called to teach, and I take that responsibility very seriously.  It gives me accountability.
James 4 warns against worldliness.  James 4:4 says friendship with the world is enmity with God, and vice versa.  I realized last summer that this world has absolutely nothing to offer me.  This world is Satan's dominion, and I'm on the opposing team.  He hates me and wants to destroy me, yet the worst he can do is kill me.  Either way, God gets the glory and I get to spend eternity with Him.  James 4 also points out that conflicts occur over resources and possessions, but that shouldn't be because God gives generously.  We don't have because we do not humbly ask Him for it.  We're taught to fight and take, not love and ask.  James 4:6 says God gives grace to the humble.  I am so thankful that God humbles me without humiliating me.  I can humiliate myself enough on my own!  James 4:7-8 tells me to resist Satan and draw near to God.  Satan tempts me away from God, yet God wants me to draw closer to Him.  Of course, God is preferable, but my flesh longs for it's old idols a lot.  I lose more than I win :(  I honestly don't know why God still puts up with me.  James 4:10 says "Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up."  I love that song too.  I serve God because He saved me, not because I hope to gain anything from Him.  Still, He promised to take care of me.  It's crazy.  That's where humility is vital.
James 5:16 tells me that the prayers of a righteous man are powerful.  Since there is none righteous, no not one, I pray in Jesus' name.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Arkansas 2

I am sorry my blogging has been slacking.  I've been rather lazy, to be honest.  When I'm not working, I'm usually watching TV or playing video games in my nice apartment.  I've been trying to get plugged into a local church, and so far I've only found a youth group to get involved with.  I miss the Spirit-filled community of WFBC, but I'm doing what I can at RFBC.  I spent 2 weeks with the 6th grade boys, and they were cool, but they desperately needed another leader with 8th grade guys.  I jumped in with the 20+ 8th grade guys, and I've been working with them these past 2 weeks.  It's been good, but since it's only once a week I am still hurting spiritually.  I still have Scripture, and I still have the Spirit, so I'm nowhere near dead, but I'm not as vibrant as I was last year.  I know God has a purpose in bringing me out here, so I'm just taking it one day at a time.
I spent last weekend in Weatherford and Oklahoma City, OK.  I'd never been to OK before, and the parts I saw were nice.  OKC is very nice.  So far I have seen 8 of our 9 schools play basketball against each other.  I also saw one of our provisional members play last weekend.  So, technically, 9 out of 10 schools.  I'll get to see the final one tomorrow most likely.  Since I live right down the road from Arkansas Tech, I have seen most teams when they come to play Tech.  I saw SWOSU, HSU, SAU and OBU on the road.  All the rest I've seen at Tech.  I've met a lot of nice people, and I'm enjoying myself.
I got all of our teams placed in their hotels for the basketball tournament, so I get to spend the next two weeks making sure everything stays straight with that.  I'm really looking forward to our week in Bartlesville, OK.  The Bartlesville Sports Commission has been fantastic in coming alongside  us to put this event on.  After this I'll still have to work the Golf, Tennis, Softball and Baseball tournaments, so I will be kept busy.
I'm Athens-sick, but I'm surviving out here.  I spent a good chunk of my spiritual life as a spiritual loner, then God showed me what Christian community should be, now I'm back to being a loner.  I guess if you could sum up my emotions in a word it would be "longing".  Longing for what I've lost, longing for a purpose, etc.  I have a job to do, and I will do the best I can (Colossians 3:23).  I know God will not forsake me :)

For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley

Arkansas

"Arkansas, Arkansas, I just love my Arkansas..."  That song has been in my head every time I've thought of Arkansas since Middle School thanks to a friend of mine.  Well, now I am here in Arkansas.  It's been a month since I've updated this blog, despite my time in the Word.  It's all just been a whirlwind of packing, moving, unpacking and getting situated.  I tell myself I'm half Arkansas since my mom is from Arkansas.  Sure, I like the Hawgs as my team in the West as well.  I'll always be a Dawg though.  All of my previous experiences in Arkansas have been in the Ozark Mountains, so being here in Russellville is new to me.  Let me begin at the beginning:

The original plan was to have the moving company pick up my stuff in Athens the Friday before the New Year.  They would keep my stuff on the truck and go do other jobs until that next Wednesday when they would meet me in Arkansas to offload.  My mother was in Montana with my sister and amazing nephew (PEYTON!) for that whole month, so it was just us men.  I enjoyed my time at home, and had a lot of plans for the New Year weekend.  Well the Wednesday night before New Years I get a call from the moving truck saying they would be in Athens to pick up my stuff that Thursday.  Due to that, they would be able to be in Arkansas that Friday.  I knew there was a slim chance I would be able to make it to Arkansas, sign the lease, get the key, offload, etc. that Friday since it would take me a full day to drive to Arkansas.  So, I frantically packed my truck that night much to the dismay of my father and brother.  I was not ready to leave.  I had no idea when the moving truck would get to Athens, so I woke up at 6:30am and drove straight to Athens.  I proceeded to wait, and nap, until about 4:30pm when the moving truck finally showed up.  Before they started loading, I had a talk with the driver about scheduling.  After about half an hour of debate, we decided that he would put my stuff in a storage unit near Russellville, and give me the information.  So, I had to pay for extra storage that I didn't plan for.  This arrangement allowed me to go back home for the weekend though, and carry out my original plans.  I had prayed about it, but I realized that God's timing is not my own.  I was able to leave early, and I was willing to leave early.  God had told me months before that when my exodus came, it would come fast, and so it had.  I call it my "unleavened bread" scenario.  For some reason, God allowed me to step back from alert readiness and spend a few extra days with my family.  I am very thankful for that.

However, Wednesday did come, and I had to get into my truck and drive to Arkansas.  The drive was long, but scenic and uneventful.  I wish I didn't have to do it alone, but I had good God time.  Jeremy Camp's "Desire" from his "Restored" album was on repeat in my truck.  I stopped for the night in Conway, Arkansas, which was apparently the wrong side of town, but I had no issues.  The girl at the front desk and I have a mutual friend.  Random, I know.  Small world.  I saw 5 states in one day.  I enjoyed a steak for dinner, and slept well.  I had a very nice room, but no time to play in it.  Early that next morning I drove the remaining 50 miles or so to Russellville, and Spring Lake Apartments.  The apartment complex is massive, and right next to I-40.  My apartment is at the very back corner of the complex.  I signed the lease, got my keys, and unpacked my truck.  The apartment that I rent is furnished with a washer/dryer.  It's also 2-bedroom/1-bathroom.  It is massive.  I always said that my little apartment in Athens was more than I needed, but this apartment is much more than I need LoL.  I am thoroughly enjoying living in it so far.  After 2 weeks, all is well.  My neighbors are nice, and the landlord is very nice.  That's the thing about Arkansas, everyone here is nice!  A lot of times in Georgia it was hard to be nice to people, or people were mean for no apparent reason.  If someone was nice, they had an ulterior motive.  I'm still wary here in Arkansas, but it's a lot lighter.

Russellville is a bit more industrial than I imagined, but it's still a nice town.  They got a Chick-fil-A last October, and it's nowhere near the same as the ones in GA (different chicken), but it's nice to know God has a presence here (j/k).  The reason I came here is the Great American Conference.  It's Division 2 and just started last year.  It includes 9 schools so far:  Arkansas-Monticello, Arkansas Tech, East Central, Harding, Henderson State, Ouachita Baptist, Southeastern Oklahoma State, Southern Arkansas, and Southwestern Oklahoma State.  There are 3 full-time staffers and myself representing the GAC.  I know it will be different here than at UGA, but so far so good.  I have a lot to look forward to.  Last week I took my first ever road trip for basketball.  The SID and I went to Arkadelphia, Arkansas, to watch Southern Arkansas play at Ouachita Baptist.  It was a great trip, and I met some good people.  Arkansas Tech is right here in Russellville, so I'll be more able to attend their home games and see conference play.  I'm here until at least May 11, when I graduate from UGA with my Masters Degree.  Between now and then, I have the Men's and Women's Basketball, Men's and Women's Golf, Men's and Women's Tennis, Softball, and Baseball conference tournaments.  I finally get to see sports through event management eyes.  I had a good relationship with the EM crew at UGA, but my only exposure was Ticket Sales, which was a different branch altogether.

As far as spiritual growth goes, I'm seeking a place to get plugged in.  I think I've found a church that I can really sink my teeth into, so that's good.  I truly miss WFBC, and my friends there.  I know the harvest is abundant, with few workers, and I desperately want to be one of those workers.  It's the only thing that matters eternally.  I hope I can do my best here in the GAC, for the glory of God, but I know God brought me out here to do things for Him in my spare time.  Two weeks in I am a weird combination of apprehensive and optimistic.  We'll see how it goes.  All prayers appreciated :)

For the Kingdom-
Stuart L. Kingsley