When you are just meeting someone you would potentially like to date, you get a lot of the same questions. "What is your favorite color?", etc. One I've heard a lot is "What do you look for in a girl?". I think this is a trap question for guys. Every person knows what they are attracted to. I have heard preachers say "Adam didn't have a choice with Eve." but since Adam and Eve had babies, we have a wide assortment to choose from. I, too, have my list of what I am attracted to. So, I started thinking about standards, not physical attraction standards but rather hardline standards. I'm getting to that age where "beggars can't be choosers" starts applying, but I still hold my standards. I thought I would list my standards for you:
1. Christian
2. Single, and wants to date me.
3. Virgin
4. Non-divorced
5. Close proximity
If I were living hundreds of years ago, I would be limited to my village; however in today's society with online dating, Facebook, quick travel, etc. it is possible to meet almost anyone. I have yet to meet one girl that has met all 5 of my criteria. I had a discussion with my friend about it, and he said I might have to start making some exceptions. So let's look at them again:
1. I can't budge on her being a Christian. Jesus is my main relationship, and if she can't share in that then I don't want to spend the time explaining it.
2. It is rather necessary for her to be Single and interested if we are to enter a relationship.
3. In today's society it is very hard to know for sure if someone is a virgin. For most of my early 20's I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt, but now I'm completely jaded. I am a virgin, and I'm waiting for my wife, but I have no idea about anyone else. Given the circumstances surrounding the situation, I can make an exception here. It's a tough, sex-driven world and we all make mistakes. I cannot judge in this area.
4. I have been blown away by the number of girls I have met who are younger than me and divorced. Usually, they married someone in the military. I have to add something to this in that I count "We lived together then broke up" as a divorce too. Basically, if you lived together I assume you're not a virgin. Call me "old-fashioned", but I was raised to believe that marriage should never be entered lightly. It is a lifelong commitment. "Til Death Do Us Part" is not a suggestion. It's not "Until You Get Fat", or "Until You Cheat On Me". I am in no way condoning cheating on your spouse. "Do Not Commit Adultery" is pretty explicit. However, marriage is a covenant bond made in the sight of God. If you're upset that he/she cheated on you, read Hosea. I usually stop pursuing a girl if I find out she is divorced. I'm torn on the subject, especially if she was cheated on, but if the marriage can end so quickly it makes me doubt the security of our possible marriage. I know nobody plans to cheat on their spouse. Back to the military marriages, my sister is in one and I think they are doing quite well. I pray for them daily. However, I hear about her friends' divorces, and it kills me. I also have personal friends who are products of military divorce. Being apart from a spouse for extended periods of time hurts, I'm sure. And, I get it, you want to have sex before they leave. Who wouldn't? But wait, sex outside of marriage is wrong, so let's get married so we can have sex! Oh you're gone for a year, and my great guy friend comforted me; or I was deployed for a year, and there were these girls in the city...you know what I'm saying. I have really digressed...I could write a whole other post on divorce, but I won't. Let's just say I'm torn on the matter of whether or not it is a deal-breaker. It's just a lot of added baggage that I am not ready to deal with :/
5. This issue has arisen with online dating, etc. It's very hard if I cannot see you regularly. Words on a screen, or text messages, etc. only go so far to develop intimacy. I have to be able to stand being in the room with you, and vice versa. I want you to be comfortable with me. I added this standard because I know some girls who meet the hardline standards, yet are a thousand miles away. It's too emotionally taxing. Plus, there is a trap of getting too emotionally involved to where you get more content with the idea of the person than the person themselves. It's just a dangerous situation that I have introduced myself to, and got out of. I try not to knock it if I don't try it. It's just too emotionally taxing for me. I can't really make an exception here.
So, all of these standards point to faith. Do I have faith that God created a girl out there who meets all 5 of my standards? She could have red hair, black hair, no hair, etc. in 50 years we'll both look like crap. Will we both love and pursue Jesus? Will we be committed to each other? Will we have sexually known only each other? Will we be each others' only spouse? Will she be in my same zip code? That comes back to whether or not I meet my own #1. Am I pursuing Jesus? Am I seeking to grow daily in my relationship with Him? I admit, I've had a dry spell. I got caught up in feeling sorry for myself that my communication with Him was only one-sided. I have repented, and I'm dusting my sword off.
Let me also say that if you're a girl reading this, and you are divorced, or not a virgin, etc. please do not think I am putting myself higher than you, or condemning you, etc. I am not at all. You are loved, you are forgiven, and I am just a fellow sinner saved by grace. I am in need of daily forgiveness. I am aware that the odds are against my meeting a 5-point girl, but as long as we're both pursuing Christ then all else is under the blood, as they say. This subject was just on my mind.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart
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