Silent Neutrality

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I last posted.  I will attempt to explain my lapse.  A few weeks ago I fell into a state of what I called "silent neutrality".  By that I mean the Holy Spirit was silent, and I was at a neutral point in life.  I read His Word, and I prayed constantly, but I didn't hear anything.  It's been my prayer since I got my journal, and started this blog, that He would lead me by His Spirit to write down circumstances in my life where I could point a finger directly to Him.  Aside from having a part-time job and finishing up my class, I really didn't have anything noteworthy to write about.  I still thanked Him for what I have, and for His protection.  I began to wonder what I was doing wrong, if anything, aside from the normal sins that I'm fighting.  I assumed a legalistic mindset, as I'm prone to do.  I started thinking that I should kill all sin in my life in order to hear the Spirit again.  I had confessed everything and cleared the airwaves, but still didn't hear anything.  Through it all I heard God whisper to me one day "Pursue Me".  So, my prayer became "Show me how to pursue You."  It's like that in any relationship.  For us guys, we're expected to pursue.  We spoke a few weeks ago at our college meeting that guys have no clue how to passionately pursue a woman.  That is the truth, and we also have no idea how to passionately pursue God.  Now, He doesn't stop pursuing us, so sometimes all we have to do is stop running from Him and let Him catch up.  Other times, He hides Himself so that we can grow in our seeking Him.  Last week God gave me some minor blessings that weren't earth-shattering, but in the midst of my searching He highlighted them.  That revelation made me go "oh!" and praise Him.  One of them was just getting a parking permit for the most exclusive lot on campus :)  I thought I was on a waiting list for my 3rd choice of parking lot, so I just gave it to God and a few minutes later I got an e-mail saying I had a permit for my 1st choice.  That's all to His glory right there.  See, minor; hardly noteworthy to some, but it helped me to refocus.  Last week at our college group we talked about finding our mission.  I've been curious as to what my mission for the Kingdom is.  I know I have the gift of Service and the gift of Encouragement, so I've been praying that I would have more opportunities to serve and encourage.  I had the opportunity to leave work early Friday, and I had plans, but I felt that I had a 'mission' and a 'duty' to do my job.  I canceled my plans and finished a full day.  My life may not be epic, but it is part of the greatest epic.  I need to stop trying to fit God and His Word into my life and start fitting my life into His Word.  My life is barely a blip in the grand scheme of eternity, so why should I try to focus on myself?  Whatever my mission is, I do it for His glory and not for my own.  Sometimes we have to be "glordinary", or glory in the ordinary.  I have to be a good steward with what He gives me to show myself responsible enough for more.  I am not perfect.  I am a wretch.  Still, He chooses to use me, and to the best of my ability I will pursue Him.

For the Kingdom,
Stuart