A while ago I posted what I consider to be standards for my potential mate. I was met with mixed responses. I want to clarify something by posting four standards that I heard in church that I hold myself to.
1. Priest
2. Prophet
3. Protector
4. Provider
As I understand it, to be a Priest I must intercede on behalf of my family. I must honor my wife, and present her as a pure queen to God at the end of our life. I will exist to make her better. All selfish desires should be executed. As if that were not enough, when I have children I must present them as holy princes and princesses at the end as well. So whatever free time I had from serving my wife is now given to my children. Now, like any 26-yr old male, I enjoy my freedom. I enjoy being able to have my own place, and do with it what I will. However, also as a 26-yr old male, I am completely over it. I hate being alone. I'm ready for companionship. I feel that I am ready to undertake this responsibility knowing full well that I have no idea what I am getting into! I listen to the advice given by my male mentors, and I take notes. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
To be a Prophet, I must also act as God's mouthpiece to my family. I should set the example for them to follow. I should discipline, chastise, etc. in a graceful fashion. I should not exasperate my children. I must listen to God's Law, and enforce it in my house. I will train my children in the way they should go so that when they are older they will not stray from it. Again, I am flawed, so I foresee that I will have to do a lot of repenting and apologizing. Fortunately, blessedly, I have had my pride systematically beaten out of me for a while now. I have gone from humility to humiliation. My family will have to have a lot of grace for me, but they can know that I will give them everything I have. I feel that I am also ready to pursue this course of action. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
At first glance, Protector is pretty simple. I have a gun, I have several sticks, I have fists, etc. Trust me, I'm ready to destroy any boy who looks at my daughter. However, over the course of the past year or so I have learned that protection goes beyond the physical. At our College retreat in Pigeon Forge, TN, last year I saw a friend of mine protect his girlfriend from an offensive stage performance by leading her out in the middle of it. At the same retreat, I saw my friend clear a table and place it under his pregnant wife's feet so she could be comfortable. These are just a few of the examples that show me that protection goes into the mental, emotional, and spiritual realms as well. I know full well where certain sins entered my life, and how my parents failed to protect me from them. Even though they could not protect me forever, there were still clear moments where the shield was gone. Since it's my job to present my family members as holy royalty at the end, that begins with the day to day. I can see where I fail to guard my mind in certain areas, and I have no clue how to start in their lives. Still, as situations become apparent, and the Spirit reveals, I feel that I will be able to adapt. I know full well that measures need to be taken now, and so I am. Again, I will not be prepared for everything, but my own mistakes will act as a guidebook for the protection of my family. I understand that I will never be ready, but I'm ready to walk the road.
Now we come to the swift, strong kick in the balls. I am unable to be a Provider right now. For years I have sat in Fight Club, and heard about the dangerous 30-yr old who sits in his parents' basement and plays World of Warcraft. I have heard open disdain for such a person. A man must have a job, a man must have his own place, etc. For the past few years, I have had that. "I have a Bible, I have a job, and I don't live with my parents." was a classic pick-up line from Pastor Mark Driscoll, that I jokingly could use. Now, however, I cannot. After 8 years of education, I have a Master's Degree. Hooray! I have achieved what many people have not. However, my industry is very selective and I have no job. I am seeking other employment opportunities currently, but nothing has broken yet. I have moved back home for the time being which kills my eligibility, thereby negating my need for marital standards in the first place. Every part of my pride is gone. Just, gone. It's not for lack of trying. I moved to Arkansas, made connections, people like me, etc. but there are no jobs that want me. I have joined a vast percentage of Americans my age. There can be some solace in communal hardship, but that is where my pride comes in. This should not happen to me. Maybe others, but not me! Still, God says "Hah, it happened to you!" Now what? How many verses must I memorize, or books must I read, or pounds must I lose, etc. before things can finally take a turn for the better. I cannot be a Provider regardless of how much I want to be. That is gone from me. That I cannot control. This is a standard I hold myself to, which I cannot meet regardless of how willing I am. So, now I can be the subject of pity, prayers, and sometimes open disdain. I am in the basement, and therefore not worthy of anyone's time, apparently. It can be seen as a gross failure. Somewhere along the line, I did not do something right apparently, as Job's friends would have had him believe. To be completely honest, there comes a time when "I'm praying for you" sounds like an insult. How much prayer is needed? I am in danger of being trapped by my own sense of legalism. I see no way out. This road is closed to me despite how ready I feel that I am.
However, all is not lost. This is only for a season. If I'm home, I don't really have to worry about having my own place for the time being. I can focus on spiritual disciplines -- I'm even reading "Disciplines for a Godly Man" currently -- and I can focus on my health -- I have an older mentor that I can look up to for exercise accountability, and I have my stud brother to encourage me. My sister hooked me up with a fitness app on my iPhone that has already helped me today. I just have to take it one day at a time. I know that if I am faithful today then tomorrow can take care of itself. If I'm out of the game for 3 months, that's okay so long as I improve in those 3 months. In a way, God answered some of my prayers in this. I just have to kill my own perceptions of self worth, and focus on how He values me. I'm only 26, and hopefully by the time I am 27 I will be in better health, spiritually stronger, and out of the house. Once I fill my fourth standard, and strengthen the other three, then will I be ready for a 5-point woman. Yes, I can get depressed and bitter, and I have. Still, I know I need to focus on disciplining myself right now. I just hope that a) my friends don't abandon me, and b) I don't have to go through it alone. I have faith that God knows what He is doing. So, there it is, and here I am. Love me or leave me. I am excited to see who I am on the other side of the season. Dead or alive, Soli Deo Gloria.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart L. Kingsley
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