To All Things Comes An End

Hello, dear readers.  I'm sitting here waiting for my final exam in half an hour.  The end of my Maymester.  I still feel like I'm in a spiritual "Breather".  School has ended for the year.  I am leaving Athens for a month.  I will go see my sister in Montana (yay!) and spend 2 straight weeks w/ people I love dearly at Willow Falls Camp (Camp Icthus) in Blue Ridge, GA.  I leave with no fanfare.  I will be back.  I'm anxious to see what God will do this month.  I pray for Camp Icthus because Satan always launches a huge attack.  God always wins a huge victory though.  I've never seen the Spirit move like I've seen Him move in the hearts of these 8-12 year old kids.  He hasn't really moved in me like He has at Camp Icthus.  Don't get me wrong, FCA Camps, Outsiders camps and Rock Haven were powerful as well, but I've been brought to my knees in tears at Icthus.

I love how God tears me apart only to build me back.  I may not necessarily be happy, but I'm filled with joy because I know He is real.  I know He loves me.  I know He will use me.  I don't know why He chose me, but I'm just along for the ride.  I am clay, He is the Potter.  I have no say over what He forms me into.  He may form me just to destroy me.  He can do that.  He is God.  He promises good for me.  He promises hope and a future.  I know what could make me the most happy, but I don't have it.  I have Him instead, and He is sufficient.

There have been several dreams in my life that have stood out to me.  One of them was last night.  I won't describe it here because it's very personal.  Let's just say it was the first hopeful dream I've had on the subject in a very long time.  Most of the other dreams about it had me in tears.  I have no idea what this dream meant, but I know it meant something.  I was likened to Joseph in 8th grade because of my servant's heart, but Joseph was also a Dreamer and an interpreter of dreams.  I've prayed that God would grow this gift within me.  I can blame the dream on my subconscious, but other circumstances surrounding it show me that it wasn't.  All I know is that it gave me some hope, and I'm afraid it won't happen.  My faith is being tested.  My faith isn't really strong, but it is solid.  People won't be writing books about my faith, and I'm sure God wonders why my faith is so small, but my faith is rooted in Him.  I know He is who He says He is.  I know He will do what He promised.  I just don't know how or when, and that hurts.  My faith and belief are not based on what He can do for me.  I don't just follow Him when skies are clear and I'm very happy.  I find myself clinging to Him in the storms and when I have nothing else to hold on to.  As bad as that might be for me, a life of pure storms is preferable because it's a life spent closest to He who loves me.  Sure, I want to be happy and bask in the sunshine, but not at the expense of my relationship with Him.

God knows what He is doing.  He gives me dreams/visions/experiences that throw me for a loop so that I will turn to Him for answers.  In doing so, I grow.  And He blesses me.  I love Him for that.

I hope my next entry will be a "hello!" from Montana.
For the Kingdom,
Stuart